Lesbians are Miracles

SEX EDUCATION

Spring is sprung and so are we! What better way to kick off blooming season than with an episode dedicated to a topic very near and dear to our hearts--yes, you guessed it!--it's S-E-X, darling. 

TRAIN GRANDMA

Picture it: It's Christmas Eve, and you're riding the train across state lines to visit your family for the holiday. It's dusk, and from the window you notice a light snow begin to fall. You're by yourself and occupied, maybe reading a book, maybe scrolling through your phone, when all of a sudden, a beautiful figure seated across the aisle catches your eye. "She's magnificent," you think, as she draws a small Activia yogurt from her tasteful purse and begins eating it with the plastic spoon she must have stored in one of her several travel satchels the night before. You know nothing about this mature and resplendent woman; can barely discern why she's captivated your attention with such force and power; can't pinpoint the source of her magnetism, nor your attraction to it. It's not romantic, no--it's almost more mystical, more complex. More ancient. A feeling born from beyond your physical form; a feeling that transcends space and time. "Train Grandma," you think, the words crossing your mind with a nostalgia you can't quite pinpoint, a December wind whispering through bare branches. She is, you come to realize the longer you take her in, the landscape rolling by unnoticed, an aspiration, a projected possibility of a future self, an incarnation of the you you never knew until this moment you could someday become.

 

Not all of us have been blessed with a Train Grandma experience, but as long as we're alive, we have the unique privilege of not only contemplating who we'll turn into, but taking conscious steps to reach the most fully-actualized representation of ourselves--and as queer people, if we're lucky, we have even more opportunity to dream our someday-selves outside of the confines of pre-prescribed narratives and ON OUR OWN TERMS, HONEY! In our TENTH EPISODE, we're pulling apart all of this, plus a whole lot more (what else is new, my fam?!)--you won't wanna sleep on this one! 

BUSTED

Lez face it—getting busted as a queer person is a particularly distinct phenomenon—and sometimes it’s downright dangerous. Maybe your parents are cleaning your room and uncover love letters from your secret Sapphic crush. Or you’re getting it on in the bathroom of a bar and Becky busts in on you and your girl. Or you’re at work and get the lesbian head nod from a colleague to whom you haven’t come out. Whether you’re one of the jillions* of homos who’ve been forced to slip into the safety of stealth mode at one point or another, or a straight person wondering how this could possibly be different from your own experience of getting caught with porn, click that play button and commiserate with us as we peel back the layers on our close shaves, white-knucklers, and far-too-narrow escapes.

*Yes, we took a poll.

DYKE MOUTH AND OTHER TELLS

Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's Gaybelline! We're back from our holiday hiatus and kicking off 2019 with an episode dedicated to some of our most beloved dyke tells. Do the corners of your mouth turn down when you smile? Is your ring finger longer than your pointer finger? Are you a sucker for a low-pitched, raspy, Lindsay Lohan-esque voice? Do you have a distinctly dyke-centric stride, or a set of little lesbian bosoms of your own? ARE YOU POSITIVELY BRIMMING WITH NIPPLE CONFIDENCE?! If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, or are just curious to find out what the hell we're talking about, then dial up that volume on your favorite fags (insert *lesbian smirk* here) as we look past the flannel shirts, haircuts, and thumb rings to explore what's really going on underneath it all. 

 

ISSA SMALL WORLD

It’s that phenomenon every lesbian everywhere has experienced: You’re at the only dyke bar in your town, and your ex-girlfriend walks in holding hands with your ex-girlfriend before her. Or you’re out celebrating Pride and immediately run into at least three people you’ve slept with. Or you start hanging out with a new group of friends and soon realize you’ve all hooked up with that same Sapphic scenester. No matter what you want to call it—One Degree of Separation; Same 50 Dykes; The Chart 2.0—it’s undeniable that the lesbian community is a concentrated one, and on most days you can’t swing a dead cat (sorry, cats!) without hitting a woman you’ve at least made out with. If you know what it’s like to live with this constant feeling of dyke-ja-vu, then sit back, crack open your favorite beverage, and get ready to RELATE.

DYKE MUSIC: LILITH FAIR

Need a small break from the news cycle today? Desperate for a little light-hearted escapism? Just in the mood to listen to a couple of dykes kiki about female musicians, summer camp, coming-of-age, Katy Perry vs. Jill Sobule,  and, uh, tampons? Well don’t worry, fam: we gotchu covered! Throw your election-related anxiety on the backburner and delve into the late 90s with us as we take a trip back in time to LILITH FAIR, the music festival founded by Sarah McLachlan (for those of you who don’t know!) and featuring some of the most influential and inspiring folk, rock, and rap artists of the era, including Sheryl Crow, Tracy Chapman, Missy Elliot, Jewel, Paula Cole, Erykah Badu, Suzanne Vega, Fiona Apple—the list goes on! And if all of that's still not enough to entice you, we’re also giving you the opportunity to kick our sorry asses at the Lilith Fair trivia we ourselves designed. Whether you're a bitch, a lover, a child, and/or a mother, this episode is for YOU. (But, like, maybe clear your very young children out of the room first.)

DYKE FASHION

On EPISODE 5: DYKE FASHION, we’re spilling the tea on all of our favorite lesbian-centric trends, fads, styles, and signifiers. Remember when thumb rings were *the* identifying characteristic for lady-loving-ladies? Ever mistaken a straight girl for a gay one because of her shoes, or confused a Phish fan with a dyke (cough: cargo pants and Birkenstocks)? Got a closet full of snap-backs, bandanas, and bow ties, and your gender-neutral barber shop on speed dial?  Wearing your favorite gay t-shirt AT THIS VERY MOMENT?! THEN HIT THAT PLAY BUTTON AND LEZ KICK IT, BABY. (Disclaimer: we recorded this episode on Labia Day Weekend before we really understood the nuances of a release schedule, so if nothing else we hope you enjoy this flashback to the warmer weather of early September!)

MARRIAGE FEAT. KIM AND V

At long last, our marriage episode has finally arrived! We know pretty much nothing about what it's like to be married, so we brought in subject matter experts, our dearly beloved Kim & V, to drop some knowledge on us! Listen along as they take us on a journey from their frosted glass conference room days of boss and underling to their Jersey shore "fratchelorette" party where backyard jello wrestling was the main event, and everywhere beyond and in between! These two are defining marriage FOR THEMSELVES, and we could not be more here for it!

DYKENING ROUND

Ever wondered about our favorite Cubbyhole experience? What we think of former lesbians who now "exclusively" date dudes? Our biggest celebrity crushes of all time? We know that you have, because you asked us directly, and the good news is you'll wonder no further after this fast and furious DYKENING ROUND, where we provide answers to your most sizzling dyke-centric questions, and maybe--hopefully--give you a bit more than you bargained for. 

DATING APPS

What's YOUR Tinder strategy? How about your policy on ghosting? Old enough to remember when OkCupid was THE dating app for gay ladies? If you've ever dated a straight girl (whether accidentally or on purpose), been licked on the face on the first date, feared for your life while kissing another woman in public, pondered the broiling existential condundrum of whether or not to message first, thought you might be a late-in-life lesbian, or just wondered about the nuances of dyke-centric online dating, this episode is for you!